Universal Ink Refill Kit
Only to be purchased by Tattooist or those who enjoy Andy
Warhol prints requires the manual dexterity of heroin addict.

File Sharing
On no account down-load your porn to this folder

.COM
We are a large and successful company

.NET
We are a large company who did not believe that Internet would take off

.ORG
We need your money

.CO.UK
Britain attempts to catch up with America

.UK.COM
Despite being in the UK we are a successful company

E-Mail Forwarding
Creates the illusion that you are actually working from home

Automated Response
We have no time to answer your questions

Ludite
A person whose only concession to technical progress is the rubber on the end of a pencil

Killer Byte
A fatal Bee sting

Mega Byte
A fatal sting from a genetically altered Bee

Giga byte
An expensive snack at an open air music festival

MIDI
Music Interface Delays Inevitable

Icon
a) Small and Surreal almost illegible graphic having no connection whatsoever with intended purpose
b) Subliminal message from the software company

Keyboard Shortcut
See Icon

Firewall
a)Prevents the receipt of important personnel messages whilst at work i.e. your EBay Auction.
b)The email from your boss informing you that your sacked
Also see The Apprentice

Domain Names
The opportunity due to legal loop hole for you to registrar a multi-million companies website address and then sell it to them.

Web Forum
Inane withering from people you wouldn’t want to stand next to at a bus stop

Blogging
Telling the world what you had for breakfast, not to be confused with Dogging

File sharing
Sad sods who think that by sharing software, pirated blockbusters and celebrity porn they now have friends.

Laptop
The size your desktop should really be

Search Engine
Capable of making the most obscure connection whilst ignoring the obvious

Free Software
Guaranteed to overwrite key components of your operating system

Operating system
Guaranteed incompatible with free software

Popup Blocker
Oh if only it was that simple

Spy Wear
Fedora hat, trench coat and sunglasses (false beard optional)

Optimising
(Dictionary definition) 100% opposed to the standard programmers definition

Mission Statement
Integral part of the companies philosophy and website, which no-one reads

Auction Sites
a)The opportunity to be ripped off all over the world rather than your local Sunday Market
b)The World wide transfer of crap
c)Tax free commerce

Hosting Company
The opportunity to buy more web space than you’ll ever need

Download Limit
Always exceeded during the acquisition (criminal) of this months Blockbuster movie

Surf Anytime Packages
Unlimited Access always available between 2 and 6 AM

Housekeeping
Never adhered to, leading to receipt of April Fool gags in November

Site Under Construction
a)Please feel free to buy from our competitors
b)Client needs to read this

Site Map
Site designed by committee, navigation required

Fan Website
See Blogging, Chat rooms and Forums and your neighbours spare bedroom

Secure Online Shopping
Will lead to your credit card statement containing items such as Thai Lady boy rental , Offshore Pharmacy and Genital enlargement Products ltd

Industry search engine
Only worth registering with if your company name starts with an “A”

Classmates Revisited
A chance to gloat at the all those failures and reinforce your own self esteem or lower it

E-commerce
A chance to find out how incompetent a company really is

Click here
Instructions for the cerebrally challenged

Hot Spot
The real reason why you have so many hits to your site
or a trendy night club

24 hour News website
Dependant upon IT departments online gaming commitments

24 hour Helpline
A place where you will not find the information you require

24 hour Helpline
See above

Digital Camera
Unlike traditional photographic processing methods, Immediate disappoint of the results

Photo Manipulation Software
The opportunity to receive international law suits

Media Player
Ideal for those who prefer their music in the unequalled quality of the Edison Gramophone

Music Download
Lost revenue to the companies who created the software in the first place






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